It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
