The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
