There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
