using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You are the jesus of drinking
pray to the hookup gods
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
