Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
