i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
