Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
