You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
