Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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