dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
