I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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