o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
