Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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