Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
