I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
