Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
