i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
