Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
