I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
