I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize