You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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