: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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