my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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