So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
