Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
