God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
