I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
