i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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