sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
