so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
