i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
