Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
