i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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