so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
