I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize