i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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