my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
