Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
