Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
