it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
