I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
