If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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