If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
