It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
