dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
