And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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