I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
