K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
