dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
