he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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