i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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