she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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