I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
