I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
