i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
