Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
