Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
