Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
