I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
