The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
