3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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