So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Im part way to drunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
